Gaddafi gets betrayed and Space Tourism is on its way...

Gaddafi has suffered another fatal blow to his regime, as his former buddy and Foreign Minister Moussa Koussa (what a name) switches sides and sneaks over to the UK. Why he has turned up here is anyone’s guess because we certainly aren’t fans of him.

Gaddafi has a strong record for helping out anyone who is willing to terrorize the West. Pretty much anyone. As well as the usual candidates, such as the IRA, he has gone as far as Australia and New Zealand to try and get aboriginals to attempt revolutions.

In 1988, he ordered the bombing of a flight from the UK to the US because he was cross with us – which blew up over Lockerbie in Scotland, killing 270 people. Moussa Koussa is said to have masterminded the attacks, as well as many others.

Although Cameron apparently gave him the green flag to enter the UK (purely on the grounds that he has jumped ship from Gaddafi) – he does face questioning and potential prosecution for his role in the Lockerbie bombing.

Speaking of prosecution, former labour MP Jim Devine has been jailed for fiddling his expenses, making him the third MP to be busted and put behind bars for the same crime. Plenty of people in companies all over the world take advantage of the company credit card whenever they can, usually justifying it by the fact that they are overworked and under paid, and that their boss is a wanker anyway. In this case, its taxpayer money they have been cheating with, so people do not look kindly upon it.

America has had its say on the situation in Egypt, or at least the New York Times has. Egypt was the first of the Middle Eastern countries to rise up and kick out their dictator – and apparently the scene they have ended up with is “a mess.”

This comes as no surprise. Young democracies nearly always take a while to settle. One thing we have been nervous about is that radical Islamist groups will take power. Seemingly, this hasn’t happened. The Muslim Brotherhood are now in charge, and are said to be relatively moderate and NOT in bed with al-Qaeda. So we are all a bit relieved, so says the New York Times.

Elsewhere in America, a BBC journalist has been first inside the Virgin Galactic spaceship – which will probably be launching very rich passengers into space within a couple of years.

I say very rich because I can only imagine a trip into space will be very expensive. Virgin claims, however, that in 20 years, everybody will know somebody who has done it. Furthermore, they claim that a trip into space will produce lower carbon emissions per passenger than a flight across the Atlantic. Which, if true, is seriously exciting no?

See you tomorrow…

Libya, PETA and something grey....

 

First up today, and rather embarrassingly, rumours are starting to circulate that some of the Libyan rebels we’ve been helping out recently have links with al-Qaeda. America has been chewing on its fingers nervously on this one. Gaddafi did warn us they might be involved, but it was about the same time he started ranting hysterically and likening his people to various species of vermin – so we didn’t take him seriously.

It wouldn’t be surprising if there were members of al-Qaeda jumping on board with the Libyan rebels, but equally, it seems unlikely that they are steering the revolts with any significance.

Obama has given a speech in which he made it clear that the US would not get involved in the business of actually overthrowing Gaddafi or making changes to the regime. He made the point that we’d done that in Iraq and it had “taken 8 years, thousands of lives and nearly a trillion dollars.”

Britain seems to still be keen, however, to roll its sleeves up and get some hands dirty – and have said that we might consider arming the rebels with more scary weapons at some point.

Over in Syria, protesters were left disappointed as President Assad spoke to them publically for the first time since the demonstrations started – and promised them no concrete change. Instead he blamed “conspirators” for spreading rubbish and working everyone up over nothing.

In Japan, the headlines have shrunk away but things are still sticky at the Fukushima plant. New readings have showed a dramatic rise in radiation in the sea nearby. Engineers are still camped inside the plant battling to contain the damage, allegedly with little food or rest and apparently being paid a small fortune to do so. You’d have to be.

Back to America, and animals rights charity PETA, who are famous for their extreme and wacky stunts, have really taken the biscuit with their latest offering. They have always been big on owners getting their pets neutered – which is a very sensible and noble cause. Their latest competition, however, comes with a puzzling grand prize: A free vasectomy. For you. Not your dog.

Their reasoning? Humans breed too profusely as well and the world is running out of space. You’ve got to give them points for originality.

Finally, talking of space, you might be wondering what the blotchy grey square at the top of the page is. It’s Mercury. As in the planet. As in the first ever photo of it taken from an orbiting spacecraft, snapped only yesterday. Cool? I think so. 

The EU and a tiny bit of other news...

So the EU. Modern Europe. Basically a big members club with plenty of perks and a whole load of rules. Signing up to the EU requires a country to do things like switch over to the metric measurement system and (in most cases) convert their currency to the Euro.

It all gets quite complicated and political but the point of it all is that it brings us together and makes it easier for us to trade with each other and travel freely amongst ourselves.

There are 27 countries (or member states) and together we make up roughly 28% of the global money pot (or economy). It’s supposed to stop us all fighting - as we have done in the past - by bonding us with money ties. But it doesn’t have a combined army because that’s more Nato’s job.

Sweden, Denmark and the UK are the only member states not to use the Euro. Why? Because we don’t want to and because we are all big and powerful enough to have wriggled out of that requirement.

Using the Euro means being part of the ‘Eurozone’ – and interest rates are set by the European Central Bank, depending on what it thinks is good for everyone as a whole. We say we don’t want to be part of this because these interest rates might not necessarily suit us. Particularly in a recession, we feel we need to keep our independence and the right to fiddle with our own interest rates if we need to.

What is going on at the moment is that countries that have been truly buggered by the recession are being bailed out by the rest of the EU. This has already happened in Greece and Ireland. Portugal could be next.

Richer countries like Germany, France and the UK often end up footing a large part of the bill and we generally resent this. We usually end up biting the bullet though, because if one EU country goes up in smoke, as Greece did for example, it brings down the value of Europe’s money pot as a whole.

That’s Europe and here’s the news:

Rebels in Libya have failed to recapture Gaddafi’s hometown of Sitre. The woman who crashed a news conference in Tripoli claiming Gaddafi’s men had raped her has been captured and is now facing criminal charges for sullying his name.

In Syria, the government has resigned and President Assad looks like he is backing down in response to protesters.

And in Japan, the Chief Cabinet Secretary has said that the Fukushima situation is still “very grave” and that they remain on “maximum alert.” Radioactive particles have been found over Britain but not in harmful levels so don’t freak out.

See you tomorrow. 

Britain... A bad review...

 

Good Monday,

Not long ago, I told you that Britain had got a bad review – but it was from a slightly bug eyed yank who runs a fast food chain, so we didn’t really take it to heart. He said that our women were unattractive and our food was bad. Pssssh.

This week, another bad review… and this time from a slightly more credible source. David Else, author of the new Lonely Planet guide (whose job it is to visit countries and write about them objectively) accuses us of much the same as Mr Burger King did.

Perhaps it’s time we looked tentatively into the mirror. Perhaps we are all fat ugly after all?

According to Else, more junk food and ready-made meals are consumed in Britain than all of the other countries in Europe put together. Jesus.

In fact, nutrition rates are lower now than they were during the 50’s – when food was being rationed.

We are also described as being celebrity-obsessed, with a ‘dicey’ ecomony and with ‘choppy waters ahead.’ Choppy indeed. It makes me want to chop my head off.

The guide will be published this month and is expected to reach over 100,000 readers worldwide. The upshot I suppose is that we will be lighter on the tourists this summer.

Back to the Middle East now and Yemen’s President, Ali Saleh, has once again backtracked on his agreement to resign. Cue more riots.

Violence in Syria has escalated further as soldiers open fire on protesters again. It was under this current regime that 20,000 Syrians were massacred for an attempted uprising back in the 80’s. So the bravery of these protesters is really quite extraordinary.

In Libya, rebels are now advancing on Gaddafi’s hometown of Sitre, having re-gained a number of key towns and cities over the last week already. Gaddafi’s loyalists are said to be digging their heels in over Sitre however, where more bloodshed is expected once the rebels reach it.

Nato is now in the process of taking over the no-fly zone enforcement, while Russia is shaking its head and saying we have crossed the line and shouldn’t be this involved.

America is being pretty gung-ho on the other hand, or at least one American in particular. John Bolter, former US ambassador and big chum of George Bush has called for Gaddafi to be assassinated. So there.

That’s all for today. Tomorrow I’ll be explaining the current state of Europe: the who’s, the why’s and the where’s – all very broadly speaking as usual.

Good evening.

Mostly the Middle East... with a snake thrown in for good measure

 Almost half a million people joined the ‘anti-government cuts’ protests in London yesterday, with over 200 arrests made for violent or destructive behaviour. Sadly, this always seems to happen. One group of protesters covered Trafalgar Square with graffiti – which I think is really shitty.

Our business secretary, Vince Cable, has said that the government will not be changing their strategy; so all was apparently in vain.

Cable argues that making fewer cuts over a longer period of time would mean the government would have to borrow even more money to keep afloat. This would basically be like extending the limit on your credit card when you are already in debt. Which, lets face it, we’ve probably all done but only makes things worse.

Syria is getting bloodier by the day, with 12 more people killed during protests yesterday. President Assad has promised to address the nation within days.

Meanwhile, Hilary Clinton (who deals with this sort of thing for the US) has said that America will not be getting involved. Referring to their intervention in Libya, she argued: “Each of these situations are unique.”

Gaddafi has admitted that the Western intervention has seriously messed things up for him. Rebels retook Brega yesterday – a key oil town – from his clutches.

This next bit of news isn’t news, but it is very interesting for those of you who don’t already know.

Gaddafi has a fleet of 40 female virgin bodyguards because he says he doesn’t trust men. The women carry guns and wear high heels and designer sunglasses, and all of them take a vow to protect him with their lives. The system obviously works. Gaddafi has survived at least one assassination attempt by one of these bodyguards throwing themselves in front of him and literally taking the bullet.

I appreciate all this is very Middle Eastern focused at the moment, but that’s where all the news is. So on we go.

Islamic militants have seized control of a weapons factory in Yemen. These guys are not to be confused with the Yemeni protesters, but are more likely to be terrorists who are taking advantage of all the distractions.

America is very nervous about all this because President Saleh is their friend and ally in the war against al-Qaeda. Yemen has become a hotspot for al-Qaeda activity and lots of terrorists have been trained there over the last few years. President Saleh has been helping the Americans crack down on them, so if protesters overthrow him… more of the above could start happening.

And finally, speaking of America – New Yorkers are on the alert, as a very deadly Egyptian cobra has gone missing from the Bronx zoo. Blimey.

See you tomorrow… 

Protests and more protests....

London has been heaving with demonstrators today… mostly peaceful ones, but you do always get a bad apple or two. Thousands and thousands of angry brits took to the streets brandishing banners and making noise about government cuts – some breaking windows, some smashing up banks and some hurling paint bombs at police officers.

Many people are very cross that Cameron is axing jobs and tightening our purse strings. Others see these cuts as entirely necessary if we want to get our economy back on its feet, and consider these demonstrators as spoilt and whiney.

In particular, banners were comparing Cameron to Margaret Thatcher.

Thatcher came to power during a similar period of Britain being up shit creek (economy wise) – and has been credited both with turning the situation around for us and pissing off most of Britain in the process. Compare her, if you will, to the scariest teacher or boss you’ve ever had. You’d probably rather staple your tongue to your cheek than socialize with him/her, but I bet they got results out of you.

Cameron is actually a lot more chilled and cuddly looking than Thatcher ever was so its not quite the same. The point is that cuts are being made and cuts are never popular.

The protest theme continues over in Syria, where rioters are still storming the streets. President Assad has released 260 political prisoners (mostly lawyers and journalists who have publically questioned his regime) in his biggest gesture yet to try and calm everyone down.

Over in Libya, a disturbing scene unfolded today at a hotel in Tripoli. A Libyan woman crashed a press conference and claimed she had been raped by 15 of Gaddafi’s men. She was quickly restrained by a selection of said men, and dragged away – with two CNN journalists battered in the process of trying to interview her. Dark.

Meanwhile, Libyan rebels re-took Ajadabiya – a key eastern city – from Gaddafi’s power, in the latest indication that they are finally overthrowing him.

In Japan, the Fukushima nuclear plant looks wobbly again. It appears as though reactors are now leaking radioactive water into the sea. Prime Minister Kan has said that the current situation is “currently very unpredictable.”

Still, not a single person has allegedly died as a result of radiation poisoning; so many are hoping it will all be ok.

Finally (slightly ironically), this weeks Euro Millions lottery jackpot was won, in part, by a Portuguese man who pocketed over £50m. The rest of the country isn’t doing so well. You can read more about them in yesterday’s post…

See you tomorrow.

The Middle East, the EU and a very tiny horse...

The first bit of (good) news is that today is Friday. You know that already but I find it’s always nice to be reminded.

We are into our seventh day of military action over in Libya. It now looks very likely that Nato will take over the operation, which would take us, France and America out of the driving seat.

Yesterday I mentioned that Syria was erupting with riots too. Protesters took to the streets again today chanting: “Peaceful, Peaceful, God, Syria, Freedom.”

President Assad has said he will consider political reforms but most people think his words are hollow.

Syria has been under a ‘state of emergency’ since the 60’s – which is pretty ludicrous, and is one of the rules Syrian protesters want lifted.

Countries declare a state of emergency when something very bad happens; typically a terrorist attack or a natural disaster. It can sometimes, especially in Arab countries, mean curfews and suspension of civil rights (like your right to a lawyer for example) so it can be abused by governments who are trying to keep their people in check. Both Yeman and Bahrian have issued a state of emergency in the last month.

In Yemen, President Saleh has agreed to step down and relinquish power – but only to ‘safe hands.’ Protests continue, as do allegations that government forces are shooting unarmed protesters.

And on home soil, conservative MP’s are urging Cameron not to use our money to help bail out Portugal.

There are lots of things that are good about being part of the EU. As I explained yesterday, it makes us more big and powerful when lined up next to huge countries like the US, India and China. It also encourages Europeans to travel freely between other EU countries by making the process easier and it generally means we are all a bit more matey with one another.  

Bailing Portugal out of their financial meltdown is arguably in the interest of Europe as a whole but we don’t have to if we don’t want to. And apparently we don’t.

Finally, because it’s Friday, I dug around for some smile-inducing news.

The smallest horse in the world has reached his first birthday. Einstein, just 20 inches tall, lives in New Hampshire… In a paddock with a full sized stallion for company. You can see him above…

Happy Friday.

France, Libya, Syria, UK, EU.. Phew

 A French plane has shot down a Libyan plane for breaching the no-fly zone. It’s the first time this has happened since the enforcement of the zone begun.

Gaddafi continues to shoot at the rebels and both sides remain determined to stand their ground.

Over in Syria – the latest country in the Middle East to see a wave of similar unrest – government security forces have opened fire on mourners at a funeral. The funeral, no less, of two civilians who had already been killed during protests in the same week.

Footage on youtube has emerged of Syrian authorities resorting to violent methods in order to keep protesters in check and at least 25 have now been killed in under a week.

It really does feel like enormous change is in the pipeline for these countries. When this sort of revolutionary force spreads so quickly, over such a wide distance and for the whole world to see – it does tend to make things happen.

The question is: what next if people power prevails and dictators are toppled? Who takes charge? Historically speaking, once a democracy is established, you tend to get a period of time where various parties form and jostle for popularity. Eventually, in most cases, two parties will prevail (one a bit to the left and one a bit to the right) and the voting public will tend to shimmy between them indefinitely thereafter. So it’s Labour/Conservative for us in the UK and Democrat/Republican for the US. Par example.

Back to the news and here in the UK, crime is stealing the headlines.

The body of Sian O’Callaghan, a 22 year old from Swindon, has been discovered in a forest not far from her home. Another unidentified body was found in the same place, and a 47 year old local man has been arrested for the two murders.

In a separate case, Delroy Grant – dubbed by the press as the ‘Night Stalker Rapist' – has been convicted on several counts of sexual assault, and is expected to receive a life sentence. Police think he was responsible for up to 600 rapes in London over the space of 17 years. A good one to finally get off the streets then. And probably best to throw away the key.

Finally, the government in Portugal has collapsed following the resignation of President Jose Socrates – who basically quit after failing to sort out his country’s disastrous finances. Portugal was one of the worst hit European countries of the credit crunch and it is likely that they will now need to be bailed out by the EU.

I shall tell you more about the EU tomorrow, but basically it stands for Modern Europe and it aims to bring us all together in a big powerful love fest, so that we’ve got a hope in hell of competing against massive economies like China and India in years to come.

Until tomorrow... 

The world loses an icon.. and Edinburgh gains a furry friend...

Everyone is talking about the budget today. As in, the UK’s budget for the next year. Budgets of any kind are, in most people’s opinion, Boring with a capital B. So I will try and keep this snappy:

Petrol prices are down by 1p a litre. Taxes have been reduced for low earners. Interest free loans are now available for first time house buyers. Corporation tax has been slashed to help out businesses. Income tax and national insurance could soon be merged to make things simpler. The price of cigarettes and beer have gone up (as always). And £100m has been assigned to repair potholes around the country.

Our Justice Secretary, Kenneth Clarke, was accused of falling asleep during the delivery of the budget at the House of Commons today. To be honest, I don’t blame him.

A bomb has exploded at a bus stop in Jerusalem, killing one and injuring several others. It’s the first time they have seen one of these types of bombings since 2004, and it comes amid the rising tensions between Israel and Palestinian militants of late. No one has yet claimed responsibility.

A spokesman for the Libyan rebels has make a heartfelt thanks to the Western coalition for our attacks on Gaddafi’s forces: “I want to express our appreciation for these actions, “ he said, “We will never, ever forget.”

Gaddafi made his first public appearance in a week last night in Tripoli, urging “all Islamic armies” to join him and insisting: “We will be victorious.”

Several studies have been released today which indicate that we are all getting less godly. One, which was carried out to coincide with the 2011 Census, revealed that two thirds of Britons do not regard themselves as religious. Dawkins will be very pleased.

An adventurous ferret from London has apparently jumped on a train and ended up in Edinburgh. He was caught getting off the train and wandering round the platform at Edinburgh station, and is now being looked after by an animal charity that have named him Mickey. Columbus would have been more fitting for a ferret who likes to explore if you ask me. But I do tend to give these things a bit too much thought.

Finally, legendary actress Elizabeth Taylor (she of the eight husbands) has died at the age of 79. I shall leave you today with one of her greatest quotes: “I’m much more beautiful than Marilyn Monroe ever was and I’m certainly a better actress.”

Rest in Peace.

Bad guys everywhere... be warned. But Nuclear power is getting cooler...

With the no-fly zone over Libya, Gaddafi has had to change his methods for brutalizing people. He has now taken to patrolling residential areas with tanks and assassinating any civilians who leave their homes with snipers. He is getting away with this because he knows the Western collation won’t bomb civilian areas.

A US fighter plane has crashed over Libya, but both pilots ejected and have survived. Locals apparently rushed to help them and greeted the men with emphatic gratitude. Lucky. It would have been a very different story if Gaddafi’s guys had found them instead.

The West still can’t decide who is going to take the reins of this operation from now on. Cameron is keen for Nato to oversee things, which certainly would spread the responsibility. But France is worried that Nato has a bad reputation for messing things up in the Arab world, so it might piss everyone off too much if they got involved.

In an apparent response to all those who have been asking why we are sticking our noses into Libya and ignoring other areas of the world - our foreign secretary, William Hague, has spoken out. In a conference today, he warned that African leaders who suppress their people will now find it increasingly hard to get away with their actions.

As much of the Middle East continues to see a wave of uprisings against corrupt dictatorships, Hague warned that this spirit was likely to spread south into Africa next. He specifically mentioned President Mugabe, and implied that he should be watching his back.

Mugabe, the President of Zimbabwe, is widely considered to be as nasty as they come and so crooked he needs to sleep on a spiral staircase. He has allegedly been torturing Zimbabweans for even watching youtube footage of riots in the Middle East.

Hague also pointed out that if all these militant dictators are thrown out; Africa and the Middle East could become stable, democratic and ‘free’ – which would be great for the rest of the world in terms of trading etc. Which gives us good reason to help the process along. So he says.

Finally… a prominent green campaigner and journalist, George Monbiot, has said that he has changed his mind about nuclear power being a bad thing after all. In a mighty u-turn, he says that even after Japan’s Fukushima plant was essentially fucked into a cocked hat last week, barely anyone was actually harmed by radiation leakage and that this had been enough to convert him.

See you tomorrow. 

Gaddafi's son killed...A bit about Nato...and google gets cross with China...

Things in Libya are getting complicated and pretty nasty. One of Gaddafi’s sons has been killed in a suicide air mission on his barracks. Khamis was running one of his father’s forces and had been leading many of the recent attacks on the Libyan rebels. Some say it was a rebel pilot crashing into the Gaddafi compound. Gaddafi’s camp is saying it was one of our RAF missiles that did the job. Gaddafi himself has temporarily vanished, but has allegedly ordered civilians to be rounded up and used as human shields against attacks by the Western coalition. Cameron has continued to insist that our involvement is morally justifiable and that we are playing by the book. He hasn’t ruled out killing Gaddafi if it came down to it although he’s saying that isn’t part of the plan. He has also announced that the Libyan rebels can do whatever they want to with Libya once all this all over, so we won’t have another Iraq situation. We shall see.

The US are seemingly keen to pass the hot potato and get themselves out of the main equation – and have said that control of the operation will soon be handed over to France, Britain or Nato.

Nato is yet another confusing alliance between a load of countries who scratch each others backs. This one is made up of 28 countries from the US and Europe. It was formed at the end of World War II to try and prevent more fighting. The deal goes: If you attack one of the Nato countries, you attack all of them. Which has done a good job of keeping us relatively safe so far.

In the case of Libya, Nato is still struggling to decide whether to get involved. Not all of the 28 countries want to… so we shall have to see how it plays out.

Japan is still reeling from their own week of hell. There has been progress made to bring the Fukushima nuclear plant under control, and survivors are still being pulled from wreckage elsewhere in the country – which is good news. It has been estimated to take over 5 years for Japan to re-build itself back to normal.

In Yemen, government ministers and now army generals have turned on President Saleh, as protesters continue to campaign for a democracy and for his resignation.

And finally, google has accused Chinese authorities of fiddling with its gmail service and preventing Chinese users from accessing it properly. If true, it would be another indication that the strict communist regime is worried about revolutions and trying to limit Internet freedom to keep ‘wrong’ ideas from spreading. 

Bon Nuit... 

The West comes down on Gaddafi... and things aren't good in Yemen...

French jets have launched a second day of patrolling the Libyan airspace, as the UK branded their strikes on Gaddafi’s forces a ‘success.’ The strength of the Western collation is now gathering pace, with Spain, Norway and Denmark all agreeing to send in planes to help. Qatar has become the first Arab country to jump aboard the bandwagon. Gaddafi, unsurprisingly, is hopping mad: “We promise you a long drawn-out war with no limits,” he announced today – arguing that the West has no right to be getting involved. His son, Saif, has compared the situation with our sticking our noses into Iraq over our (false) belief that they were hiding weapons of mass destruction. Even the Arab League, who supported the idea of a no-fly zone, are now accusing us of being a little heavy handed in our approach. Our bombs and missiles have already been accused of accidentally killing civilians.

So why are France and the UK leading this involvement with such vigour? Half the people you ask will say Good for Cameron – he should be intervening to stop Gaddafi. The other half will say that it’s ludicrous to get ourselves tangled up in yet another war we can’t afford and have nothing to do with. For the cynics who presume we must have an ulterior motive, that motive is hardly obvious. Libya is a desert nation, which makes up less than 2% of the world’s oil reserves. So it’s not about money, as it so often is. Basically, it looks like we are stepping in to appear honourable and because, frankly, Gaddafi makes such a good villain. Ironically enough, Nelson Mandela (nobel peace winner) once listed him as one of his all time heroes. You can see them looking at each other lovingly in the photo above.

Over in Yemen, President Saleh has fired his entire government, as he struggles to maintain his position of power. Many of his men had turned against him and resigned already, after 45 civilians were shot dead at an anti-government rally. Saleh denies it was his guys that opened fire but no one believes him. He has promised political reforms but has also vowed to defend his regime “with every drop of blood.”

The death toll in Japan is now expected to top 20,000 at least. Survivors are still largely without power or enough food and water, and weather conditions are freezing. The Japanese are being widely praised for their level of enduring dignity and calm. There has been little crime (looting and theft are extremely common follows disasters of this scale) and less general panic that you’d usually expect to find. The situation at the Fukushima plant has seemingly calmed down a bit too, for the time being.   

Until tomorrow…

Bad things happen to everyone

It’s official. Pigs can fly. After weeks of faffing, the West has gone and surprised us all by intervening with the situation in Libya. Yesterday Gaddafi called a ceasefire and promised he’d stop shooting people. He didn’t. Apparently this was the catalyst for serious action. France took the lead by opening fire on Gaddafi’s tanks and armoured vehicles. The UK, the US, Canada and Italy have since got behind them. America has been keen to underline the fact that they are supporting the coalition but not instigating anything. Just in case anyone was wondering. David Cameron has released a statement saying that military action is necessary because: “We believe we should not stand aside while this dictator murders his own people.” Most people seem to agree with this statement, but many are asking why we have picked this particular dictator to tear down. There are plenty of dictators all around the world who murder their own people. Whichever way you look at it, this is a diplomatic minefield to navigate for everyone. China, India, Brazil, Germany and Russia have all refused to get involved on various grounds. So it’s a big deal for the countries that are pressing ahead.

Yemen too, has become the latest country in the Middle East to experience similar upheaval. Anti-government protesters have been making noise for a while and calling for their president (Ali Saleh) to step down. Today, over 50 protesters were killed as government forces apparently opened fire on them.

Over in Japan, it looks like the nuclear situation is stabilizing. By that I mean that it doesn’t look like it’s going to get as bad as it did in Chernobyl. Things are far from stable, however, for the 50 workers who agreed to stay behind at the plant and fix things. 5 are now believed to have died, 15 are injured and others have said they know the radiation will kill them. Meanwhile, the official death toll as a result of the earthquake and tsunami has hit 7,600 and more than 11,000 remain missing.

Grim. See you tomorrow.

Not so fast...

Yesterday I promised you a new website. It is still coming, but it turns out to be VERY fiddly to set up, so it might take longer than planned. That sounds just like a sentence a newly elected prime minister would say. Sorry about that. In the meantime, here is today’s news:

Japan has admitted that the radiation leak at their Fukushima plant is really bad after all. Bad enough to give people cancer and kill them. The boss of the company broke down in tears at a press conference today, which is not a good sign. It is now officially the second biggest nuclear accident of all time – the first being Chernobyl. The number of people who died as a result of the Chernobyl explosion is hard to know. Over 50 rescue workers died from radiation poisoning at the time, and hundreds of thousands have died since from cancer. This all happened in what is now Ukraine, in 1986, and there are still areas all the way over here in Britain where farms struggle with the environmental hangover. It’s worth pointing out that Chernobyl is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, so people who lived nearby simply packed up and moved far away after it happened. If things got this bad in Japan, which is a relatively small island, the entire country would be ruined and the casualties would be almost unimaginable.

The West has finally stepped in to impose a no-fly zone over Libya. David Cameron is expected to make a ‘full and clear’ statement on the matter soon. Gaddafi, meanwhile, has responded in typical style: “If the world gets crazy with us we will get crazy too,” he ranted, “We will make their lives hell. They will never have peace.”

The rulers of Bahrain are doing everything they can to keep their own pro-democracy protesters quiet. Officials have torn down a statue in Pearl Square merely because it was being used as a meeting place by demonstrators, and have issued a strict curfew to keep them off the streets. After all that has been happening in Libya, you’d think Britain would have something disapproving to say about this. Far from it. The King of Bahrain is on the guest list for the royal wedding.

In other news; the US military is currently developing software that will allow secret agents to infiltrate web sites like facebook and twitter, in order to spread pro-American propaganda. Lame. And NASA has managed to get a probe to reach Mercury for the first time. Mercury is the closest planet to the sun and is therefore extremely hot, so this achievement is quite impressive and exciting. Which is more than can be said of the rest of today’s news. 

See you tomorrow for more of the same.

Confused?

In case anyone is confused.... News Abridged is in the process of moving house. Please check in tomorrow for a brand new website, and brand new news.

Adios...

Nuclear Meltdown... What Nuclear Meltdown?

France has today accused Japan of losing control over their exploding nuclear plant, and of covering up the true scale of the disaster. No Shit Sherlock. It’s seems like a fair pop if you look at the evidence. The Japanese have tried cooling down the reactors by pumping them with seawater, which didn’t work. Shooting them with police water canons? No joy either. Dumping water via helicopters? Water, water, water. No, no, no. They have now resorted to sending in emergency teams who have claimed “they are not afraid to die” as they enter the radiation-filled plant in a last ditch ‘suicide’ effort to fix things.

Stocks in Japan, and all around the world, have been spiraling downwards. Yesterday I promised I’d provide a quick explanation on how the stock markets work, for those of you who need it (i.e. most women and plenty of men too).

A share is a tiny part of a company. If the company is doing well, the shares will be worth more. The stock market (of which there are many around the world, often with highly confusing names) is where these shares are bought and sold. Let’s compare it to eBay. You’ve got a share. Imagine it’s in a Nokia phone. Nokia are doing well at the moment, so your phone would fetch high bids. But let’s say you’ve heard rumours than apple are about to release a phone. You are savvy, and suspect this phone is going to be awesome. So you sell your Nokia on eBay while Nokia is still hot, and you get a good price for it. A week later, the apple iPhone comes out and you buy it immediately. It’s amazing. Everyone suddenly wants an iPhone and everyone rushes to sell their Nokia’s. The price of a Nokia goes down on eBay and the price of an iPhone goes up.

No one is feeling too confident about Japan at the moment, so investors are scrambling to sell their Japanese shares. Brave ‘bulls’ (market optimists) will buy them now while they are cheap and hope they go up again soon. You get the picture.

Over in Libya, Saif Gaddafi has said that “everything will be over in 48 hours.” Which is grim for the rebels. The West has still done very little to help and quite frankly it looks like it’s too late now anyway.

And some new rules for Britain are in the pipeline. Under proposed NHS reforms, GPs could soon double their incomes in return for rationing patient care. In effect, GPs would be rewarded for saving taxpayer money; so there will be no more referring patients willy nilly to acupuncturists, homeopaths and other specialists when they can’t think of anything else to do. Good thing? Bad thing? You decide.

Additionally, very-rich-immigrants will now be offered a fast-track-opportunity to stay in Britain indefinitely. On the condition that they keep at least £5m in their UK bank accounts. Less bureaucracy, more money. I vote Good.

Until tomorrow…

POWWW... Ribbit Ribbit.... Clink.

I thought today might be a slow news day (Japan still bad. Libya still bad. Bahrain still bad) – So I had planned to use most of my 500 words to explain how the Stock Market works instead. Looks like that will have to wait…

Reporters have been dashing back and forth from “Nuclear meltdown imminent” to “Chill out everyone, it’s really not that bad.” Here are the facts: Radiation is now leaking directly into the air from Japan's Fukushima plant. A third explosion has now occurred. Radiation levels as far as Tokyo are 10 times higher than usual. 140,000 people who live closer to the plant have been ordered to stay inside and make sure their homes are airtight. It is still too dangerous for engineers to check the reactors properly but we can assume things are melting. Forecasters are attempting to console people’s fear by pointing out that at least the wind is carrying radiation out to sea, rather than inland. Not so consoling for our fishy friends. Stock markets around the world have been exhibiting an abundance of nose-diving red arrows. More on what that means tomorrow.

Libyan rebels have met with a number of big Western powers at a summit in Paris to ask for help and intervention. Russia, Germany and America all said no, not yet. France stamped their feet about this but to no avail. It has been suggested that the French are just worried about the number of Libyan refugees likely to try flooding into France, should Gaddafi triumph. Gaddafi himself has tickled this little concern by warning that if he is overthrown, his gates will open and “Europe will become black.” Which is an odd thing to say about your own people. You wouldn’t hear Sarkozy standing up before the world and saying it. “Hey guys. Leave me alone or I’ll release all my frogs. That’s right. The whole world will be hopping with frogs.” Hmm.

Bahrain has declared a three-month state of emergency in response to their growing number of Shia Muslim demonstrators. All these demonstrators are asking for is equal rights, and a fair democracy. The rulers of Bahrain have responded by calling in military intervention. Yes, comparisons are being made to the situation in Libya. No, we’re not getting involved in this one yet either.

The average ‘shopping basket’ of the UK (a bunch of stats on what we’re all buying, which is used to calculate inflation) has changed in recent times. It now contains a bottle of bubbly, a subscription to a dating agency and a handful of Smartphone apps. Lager and cigarettes are out. Apparently we are coming over all sophisticated.

Clink, clink.

All round misery. And burgers.

Japan is beginning to take stock of what the Prime Minister says is its ‘most severe crisis since World War II.’ It is interesting to remember that Japan actually came out of World War II surprisingly well really. Finding themselves, with Germany, on the losing side - both countries were effectively banned from having a national army. In a bid to prevent a possible World War III, the winning countries had sat them on the naughty step and stopped them from fighting. So Japan and Germany poured their defence budget into being productive instead. And boy were they productive. Japan, in particular, grew its economy at breakneck speed to become the second largest in the world.

They have since been slowing down. Last year Japan slipped to the number 3 spot behind China and have been struggling under the weight of a huge public debt. Last Friday’s earthquake and Tsunami will cost them a fortune to clear up. Japan’s central bank has injected the equivalent of £14billion into money markets in an attempt to stabilize their financial position. Meanwhile, casualties pile up and a third explosion is feared at the Fukushima nuclear plant.

Libyan rebels have lost yet another town to Gaddafi’s men, as they continue to fight what is looking increasingly like a losing battle. The West still hasn’t intervened.

A big poll of 5 leading EU countries has revealed that everyone in Europe in officially miserable. No-one trusts their Government and most of us are petrified of further economic decline. The upshot is that we are at least still ‘confident in our liberal values.’ Which is nice.

Saudi Arabia has sent 1,000 troops into neighbouring Bahrain to suppress anti-Government riots. Bahrain is ruled by a monarchy (and also a Government) who are of the Sunni Muslim variety. Most of the population of Bahrain, however, are Shia Muslims. Obviously this is a recipe for disaster, and protests have been escalating of late. The rulers of Bahrain have now effectively called in their Saudi mates (who are predominately Sunni Muslims of course) to keep protesters at bay. Can’t we all just get along?

No - according to the Chief Exec of Burger King Bernado Hees – who has pissed off the whole of Britain in one fell swoop. “The food is terrible and the women are not very attractive,” he said of us today. Not the first time we’ve been teased on these grounds. But Ugly? Perpetrators of bad food? Scroll up for the face of Burger King himself.

Pot. Kettle. Black. 

Japan, Libya and Clegg

Aftershocks continue to leave Japan shuddering, as seismologists predict further quakes to continue for up to a year. 42 survivors have been pulled from Minami Sanrik – a town where 10,000 are feared to have perished. Many of these people were warned about the Tsunami and refused to leave their homes. Official death tolls are all over the place and the Big Picture is still unclear. One newspaper has claimed that up to 160 people could now be affected by radiation poisoning following the explosion at a nuclear plant; a serious hike up on 4 yesterday. Again, nothing has really been confirmed.

A particularly touching rescue has been that of 60-year old Hiromitsu Shinkawa, who was pulled from the ocean after clinging to the floating roof of his home for two whole days. His wife and daughter were not so lucky, and got swept away when the last tsunami hit. Somehow stories like this one, which represent a single family, are even more jarring than headlines, which cover thousands.

But it’s back to numbers in Libya, where rebels claim over half a million people have now been eradicated by Gaddafi’s soldiers. The good guys have been begging the West for intervention today, as they continue to struggle with limited manpower and weaponry.

And here in Blighty: Nick Clegg (our deputy Prime Minister) has fiercely denied the general consensus in the UK – which is that the Liberal Democrats have been squished under Cameron’s fist and have now effectively turned Conservative. "I haven't been kidnapped by David Cameron," he said: "I haven't changed one bit."

See you tomorrow.

Japan and Nuclear Panic...

More information is flooding in on the grave state of Japan, as scenes of a post-apocalyptic scale swamp the news. Cars, trains and even ships which have been thrown over mangled buildings now stand frozen like eerie sculptures. As many as 10,000 people from a single town called Minamisanrikusho remain unaccounted for, as whole regions are reduced to wasteland. The Fukushima nuclear plant I mentioned yesterday has suffered an explosion and four workers are being treated for radiation poisoning. This has taken a star role in the news line up – largely because it’s so frighteningly modern in its threat. It sits in the same pen as GM food, stem cell research and chemical warfare. Science-y sounding, new and little understood. The good news here is that it wasn’t a nuclear explosion per se; more an explosion which happened in a nuclear plant. The reactor core is where the real magic happens and an explosion there would have been seriously bad.

It does throw up predictable panic over the growing proliferation of this industry, and whether we should be building nuclear facilities on unsteady ground. Japan lives on the ‘Ring of Fire’ – an arc of earthquake and volcanic zones which span the Pacific and where about 90% of such disasters occur. Zooming out on the issue even further, the jury is still out on whether nuclear power in general is a viable solution to the world energy crisis. It’s probably unlikely that wind farms, solar panels and hemp underwear are going to keep us going once our fossil fuels run out. Nuclear power has the potential to supply us with a lot of energy using comparatively little raw material – which makes sense in a lot of ways. The consequences of the technology malfunctioning however, are huge scale and horrendous. Perhaps worse still, nuclear power getting into the wrong hands = weapons of mass destruction. I suppose people must have been having the same conversations following the invention of gunpowder. Baddies who used to sneak around stabbing each other could now shoot eachother and blow things up en masse instead. Make of that what you will.

News in the Middle East is temporarily playing second fiddle. NATO, the EU and the UN (all letters which stand for the West) are still shuffling around and procrastinating about imposing a no-fly zone over Libya. And it’s not looking good for the rebels. Saif Gaddafi announced today that almost 90% of the country was back under government control. Gunpowder triumphs again.

News everywhere else seems pretty insignificant. But I will leave you with the Daily Mail’s other lead story, simply because I can’t resist:

“Tesco recruits store bosses from SLOVAKIA after British workers shun supermarket jobs.” And yes they capitalized the word Slovakia.

See you tomorrow.

Real Problems in Japan and Morons in Manchester

 More than 1,000 people (and counting) have been killed after the sixth largest earthquake ever recorded in human history hit Japan today. The devastation caused has been almost unimaginable, even for a country that lives on a dodgy plate boundary and is used to regular shudders. Many of the skyscrapers built with this in mind were left swaying but never dropped. There is only so much one can do, however, to limit damage for a natural disaster this severe; as is evident in Japan today. Fires are tearing through the country, whole towns are flattened and several oil refineries are up in smoke. One nuclear power plant is in such an unstable condition that the Japanese Government are preparing to release radioactive vapour into the air to prevent it from blowing up. Worrying. Two high-speed bullet trains have completely vanished and countless victims remain trapped under rubble. The quake has also triggered a number of tsunami waves, which have trashed coastlines and swept ships into oblivion. Smaller tsunamis have reached all the way to Hawaii - and America is keeping a steady eye on their own west coast. Half the country is without power and mobile phone networks are down, so we probably won’t know the full story for some days to come.

The head of the US intelligence service revealed today that he believed the Gaddafi regime ‘will prevail’ in Libya. An anonymous senior official at The White House says Obama thinks it will certainly not. Ergo: America is confused. David Cameron, on the other hand, has demanded that Europe form a united front against Colonel Psycho Gaddafi. Rebels in Libya are definitely struggling (unsurprisingly) against his ruthless attacks and are said to be dropping like flies, as Gaddafi’s men cruise through war zones ‘tidying up’ the bloody evidence. One has to wonder why all these ‘men’ are remaining so loyal to the gibbering lunatic. It is interesting that next door in Egypt, only a few weeks ago, the Egyptian army refused to wage war on protesting civilians under exactly the same circumstances. As a result, their ruler had little choice but to give up. It would be very surprising if Gaddafi could successfully get away with all this, sweep it under the carpet and plonk the crown back on his head as if nothing had ever happened. But you never know.

Following these stories, my next offering might just be enough to make you give up entirely on the human race. A group of Manchester University students have been keeping themselves occupied…by downing lethal amounts of alcohol in a moronic race to ‘see who gets rushed to A&E first.’ Headlines like this are wonderful in a way because I don’t need to bother elaborating on them.

Check in again tomorrow.

Pensions, squatters and secret rockets...

 Get ready for a flurry of strikes. Unions around the country will be plotting a series of crippling walkouts as teachers, army officers, police, doctors and fireman were delivered more bad news by the Government today. State workers will no longer enjoy the perks of an early retirement; and their pensions will now be proportionate to how much they earned over their lifetime, rather than how much they were earning when they retired. 1 in 5 workers in Britain are employed by the state and most of their pensions are currently paid by the taxpayer. The Government proposes that these workers should effectively start picking up their own tab and move more in line with those in the private sector. For many, this will mean working longer for a smaller pension, and it does seem like quite a bitter pill to swallow. On the other hand, the system we currently have is clearly unsustainable and many people argue that pensions will now be fairer and more evenly distributed.

Fighting in Libya continues to accelerate as Gaddafi holds firm in his refusal to back down. Doctors and nurses are fleeing hospitals because they are too vulnerable to attack, but civilian fighters are proving just as determined to hold their ground as Gaddafi himself. It’s clear that the West is still tentative about dipping their toes into the hot bath that is another Middle Eastern conflict. France are being reliably French in their ‘sod that’ approach however - and have become the first country to formally recognize the rebels as Libya’s new Government and to sever all ties with the bad guys. NATO has launched round-the-clock surveillance of the air space over Libya and might yet impose a no-fly zone. Meanwhile, mutiny is stretching all the way back to London; where a group of Libyan’s have ‘gained access’ to Saif Gaddafi’s Hampstead Heath mansion. The squatters have been photographed lording it up, making peace signs and adorning the property with Libyan flags. Amusingly, none of them have been arrested.

A severe earthquake has hit the remote Chinese region of Yingjiang. Co-incidentally, it has once again shone a harsh light on China’s tough communist regime. Corruption and corner cutting were seemingly evident by the fact that cheaply built schools had crumpled to the ground like paper and ‘official’ buildings had remained standing.

And back to the Middle East for our final key news event. UK Special Forces have busted Iran supplying the Taliban with fuck off attack rockets. The Taliban are the militia group who ruled most of Afghanistan until they were overthrown following the September 11^th attacks. The same group who banned women from being educated, employed or even seen in their own homes. Other Taliban prohibitions included music, chess, satellite dishes and sewing catalogues. Yes really. Iran claims to support stability and security in neighbouring Afghanistan, as well as ‘international community’ in general. Slipping weapons under the table to terrorists who plan to blow up said neighbours would suggest otherwise.

Sunshine, generosity and spider bites...

The weather seems to be improving. That small, round, light producing orb you see is not a lamp. It’s the sun. Most of the British public have probably forgotten what it looks like.

Bill Gates has given a third of his fortune away to charity, and as a result, no longer holds the title of World’s Richest Man. He easily takes World’s Most Generous though, which in a lot of ways is even nicer.

Britain has seen an encouraging drop in its export deficit. Which means that we are exporting more produce than we have in a long time. But still not very much.

And in case you were feeling suddenly positive about the world…

Libya has suffered more damage, as Gaddafi continues to wage war on his own people. Today he bombed Ras Lanuf- a major Libyan oil refinery- and he shows no sign of stopping. Britain is said to be putting pressure on NATO to enforce a no-fly zone, which would prevent Gaddafi from using war planes and which would considerably reduce the death and destruction he is causing. Let’s hope they do.

Another suicide bomber has taken ‘inappropriate’ to new levels, by bombing a funeral in Pakistan. More than 36 mourners were killed and many more injured, most of the victims being members of an anti-Taliban militia. No prizes for guessing the perpetrator here. Yes folks, the Pakistani Taliban have claimed responsibility. You can see more about them in yesterdays post.

It’s ‘no smoking day’ today, and Kate Moss has flipped her middle finger by lighting up a cigarette on the catwalk at Paris fashion week. A bit naff perhaps? Last year she caused outrage by telling a magazine that her motto in life is: nothing tastes as good as skinny feels – which I think was much funnier, in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way.

And a new Viagra substitute has been discovered in South America, thanks to the Brazilian wandering spider, which infects its victim with a four-hour erection. I’ll leave you with that thought and no comment.

See you tomorrow.

War, destruction and not much else...

Not all is rosy today.

A car bomb has exploded in the Pakistan city of Faisalabad today, killing at least 20 and injuring plenty more. Police suspect militants of the Punjabi Taliban movement, which is a group closely linked with al-Qaeda. This is the latest in a recent spat of attacks by this gang on the Pakistani Government.

al-Qaeda, for those who need reminding, is a militant Islamic group run by Osama Bin Laden. It operates as a multi-national network of extreme Sunni Muslims who oppose the west and whose ultimate wish is Islamification of the world. Many experts argue that the group has become increasingly scattered and fragmented and that ‘al-Qaeda’ is more a brand name now than anything else. Others think it is still tightly integrated and strongly driven from the top by Bin Laden. The important thing really, is that these guys are nutters, and in no way represent Muslims or the Islam faith in general. Most people would agree however, that al-Qaeda terrorists who blow things up should be punished. But how severely?

Obama has been forced to do a U-turn on his campaign pledge to close Guantánamo Bay.  He has always insisted that terror suspects held there should be tried instead on US soil and by the US justice system. Guantánamo bay is a prison located in Cuba and run by the American military. Former president Bush set it up primarily so that he could torture and try terror suspects the nasty way. When I say that, I mean that prisoners were treated in a way that wouldn’t fly in a standard civilian prison. Allegations range from prolonged sleep deprivation and water boarding to far more violent methods of 'information extraction.' We don’t really know what goes down but we can assume it’s all pretty unpleasant. The first Guantánamo detainee to be tried ‘the Obama way’ - in New York, under civilian law – was convicted of only one bombing offence last year. He had actually committed more like 280. There was such a general outcry that Obama has finally caved and military trials in Guantánamo will now resume.

Gaddafi is still bombing his ‘greasy rats.’ Europe and America are making more noise about stepping in and helping the Libyan rebels, but haven’t done so yet.

You’d probably appreciate some happier news now. I did look for some. Turns out there is none, so here’s some ‘lighter’ news instead…

Kevin Federline has been caught wearing horizontal stripes, which critic’s claim makes him look fatter than he actually is. Charlie Sheen has been photographed drinking ‘tiger’s blood.’ And a baby penguin in the Antarctic has been found with a heart shaped mark on its chest.  See above.

And see you tomorrow.

Goodies and Baddies

The number one story on most British news sites today has been this: There Are New Baby Photos Of Kate Middleton On The Royal Website. A few days ago, The Daily Mail’s lead story was that Catherine Zeta Jones NEARLY fell out of her dress. But not quite. Phew. I am not going to talk about stories like this from now on, even if they do tend to nab the front pages*.

David Cameron seems to be standing by Prince Andrew, who is in trouble over his friendship with American billionaire and convicted pedophile Jeffery Epstein. And his links with Gaddafi’s son. And his links with Tarek Kaitun- a convicted arms dealer. Time for him to have a bit of a facebook cull perhaps.

Bob Diamond – the rather aptly named Chief of Barclay’s bank – has recently been awarded a £6m bonus. Lots of people are very cross about it, which is understandable. In fairness to him, Barclay’s wasn’t one of the banks that were bailed out by the Government in 2008. Furthermore, people do forget that bankers this rich pay a fortune in taxes - which get pumped straight back into the economy. I digress.

Unrest in the Middle East continues, as Evil Dictator Number 3 refuses to do the decent thing and relinquish power. Gaddafi has been doing a great job of setting himself up as the undisputed bad guy by dropping bombs on his protesters (the good guys) and referring to them as ‘greasy rats.’ UK and American politicians have been clucking loudly in disapproval whilst secretly shitting themselves about the havoc this will create for our mates-rates oil deals. America has been nagging Saudi Arabia to help out the Libyan rebels but is otherwise whistling and looking the other way. Our foreign secretary William Hague sent a team of SAS officials to go and make contact with the good guys, but somewhere along the line they were mistaken for spies and captured instead. Everyone in England seems to think this is really embarrassing. I’m sure it happens all the time and I'm pretty sure we've done a lot worse. The SAS team has since been released so that’s all ok now.

There have been rumours cooking that China will be next to see its people rise up against their strict regime. “Absolutely not,” says foreign minister Yang Jiechi, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” This comes not long after it was revealed that China’s ‘internal public security’ expenditure has, for the first time, exceeded cash spent on defence.

Check in tomorrow for another hit of news abridged.

* I am totally guilty of reading this shit. I just draw the line at writing about it. Sometimes.